當小孩過於或缺乏保護的時候,他們常常失去好奇與玩樂, 從錯誤中學習, 從學習中成長的機會. 他們可能長大後會對自己足以做良好決定抑或是保障自己的安全方面缺乏信心. 這種缺乏自理能力的結果,往往導致於他們產生強烈的燥鬱感,也會導致於他們浪費太多的時間與精力在衡量他們的每個思維, 言語及舉止.
When children are over- or under-protected, they miss out on being curious and playful, on making mistakes, on learning. They may grow up to lack confidence in their ability to make good life decisions and to keep themselves safe. This perceived lack of competence often causes them great anxiety and leads to spending too much time and energy critiquing their every thought, word and action.
如果, 你因為自我意識過重而掙扎, 那你很可能有很強烈的自我觀查感,但卻有極少的自我接受感. 從現在開始創造出一個健康的自我感官, 這需要你去嚐試一點冒險,犯一些錯誤, 而且...如果你還覺得有點愚蠢的話,那你可能就做對了. 這是你虧欠你自己與下一代的功課; 一個燥鬱, 又極度自我意識過重的父母, 往往會創造出對人生有同樣見解的小孩...
If you struggle with being overly self-conscious, you are likely high on self-awareness and low on self-acceptance. Begin now to acquire a healthy sense of self that will involve taking risks, making mistakes and, if you’re doing it right, being silly. You owe it to yourself and to the next generation; an anxious, overly self-conscious parent often produces a child with the same crippling approach to life.
一些說明你自我意識過重的指標:
Some indicators that you’re self-obsessed:
• 你覺得每一件發生或是沒發生的事都跟你有關. You think everything that happens or doesn’t is somehow about you.
• 你會試著去掌控別人的感覺, 並指控他們試著掌制你的情緒. You try to control other people’s feelings and accuse them of controlling yours.
• 你會依照你的權力, 價值與需要來篩審發生在你身上的每一件事. You sift everything that happens through your sense of entitlement, worth, needs.
• 你經常覺得無能為力或是像個受害者. You feel vulnerable or victimized most of the time.
• 你浪費很多時間與精力在審視你走路的方式, 言行舉止, 長相... 但依然覺得你好像做得不夠好. You waste time and energy monitoring the way you walk, talk, look, perform and still feel you’ve messed up.
• 你常常重覆你每天在做的事, 不斷地指責自己或是激賞每一刻的風光偉業. You constantly rehash every daily event, berating yourself or revelling in every moment of glory.
• 你覺得別人老是將注意力集中在自己身上, 並會依照他們的要求而改變自己的行為. You think people are focusing on you more than they really are and you edit your behaviour accordingly.
• 你的穿著是為了得到別人的認可,而不是依照自己的奇特風格. You dress for the approval of others rather than your own quirky sense of style.
• 你的每一個溝通方式都以"我"做為起頭. 並且著重於你想什麼,感覺什麼,做什麼等... Your every communication starts with “I” and focuses on what you are thinking, feeling, doing, etc.
• 你以自己的經驗(不管好的或是壞的) 來引導每個對話. You commandeer every conversation with your own — worse or better — experience.
• 你覺得"自戀"這個字, 好像就是在說你... When you look up the word “narcissism” it sounds like you.
少擔心一點, 多享受點生活的方法:
Ways to obsess less and enjoy life more:
• 一次處理一個問題 (例如. 害羞, 自卑, 負面想法等...) Tackle one issue at a time (i.e., shyness, low self-esteem, negative attitude).
• 相信那些, 當你過於自我集中而叫你別那麼在意自己的朋友們. Trust friends who tell you to get over yourself when you become self-focused.
• 實際一點; 完美是不存在的. Be realistic; perfection doesn’t exist.
• 給予自己一點時間去學習如何平衡你的觀點, 並且享受生活. Give yourself time to learn how to balance your perspectives and enjoy life more.
• 當你開始評價自己的時候, 你該決定...好就夠好了. Decide that when it comes to rating yourself, good enough is good enough.
• 實際掌控你之所以這麼緊張的原因, 並尋找可以疏發的管道. Get a handle on what’s made you so uptight and talk it through.
• 處理你極端的情緒. 學會好奇,而不是批評. Deal with your emotional extremes; be curious and not critical.
• 當你感覺到身邊不安全的人與情境的時候, 學會聆聽你的直覺. Listen to your instincts when you sense unsafe people or situations nearby.
• 放鬆, 相信你自己. 你是被人照顧好的 - 而那個人,就是你自己. Relax. Trust yourself. You’re in good hands - yours.
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